Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
