My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
