had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
