Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
