there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
