operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
