How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
