if you like me you must not know who I am
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
