It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
