His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
