just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
