Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
