so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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