I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
