i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
