last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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