I puked a lego.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
