I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
