I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
