dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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