im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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