I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
