what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
