dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
