Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
