i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
