Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And then my night got REAL pukey
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize