I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
