Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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