You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
