Sry I called you an 8
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
