Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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