All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
