There was a lot of him and a little penis
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
