You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
