3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
