Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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