After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
