I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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