my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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