He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
