On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
