I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
