i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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