so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
