Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
