I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
