I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
