Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Life without a bra equals bliss.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
