Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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