I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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